A toilet seat from Hogwarts
by The Bookshelf in the Staircase
Summary: Fred and George are about to find out that sending toilet seats from Hogwarts to the Burrow is not an easy task. This was written (partially) for my little brother, thus the humor is appropriate for an 11-years old. PS! The fifth chapter is my favorite chapter yet, and it was written just for fun. That chapter may contain OOC character(s) and a TFIOS reference. Yes, George read it.
1. Chapter 1

_"Don't worry, Ginny. We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat!"_

_"George!"_

Ginny watched the walls of her bedroom. They were decorated with moving pictures of the Holyhead Harpies, but according to Fred and George, something lacked. Ginny would soon find out exactly what.

The last bolt had just left the toilet seat at the Hogwarts Express when Fred got an unpleasant realisation and muttered a few words which neither Mrs. Weasley nor anyone else would approve of.

"George, we've definitely made a mistake. We promised Ginny a toilet seat from Hogwarts-" said Fred, watching his brother lift the toilet seat off the poor toilet. George was too busy wearing it as a hula-hoop to immediately realise what Fred meant.

"Shut up Forge, never thought I'd hear you sounding that much like Percy. He'll be proud."

"We promised her a toilet seat from Hogwarts, not one from the Hogwarts Express. We might have blown up the Slytherin table twice, hexed the teacher's bathroom into throwing insults at Snape and turned Markus Flint's robes pink at least a dozen times – but Gred, we are not liars."

After a moment of complete silence, George finally replied.

"Agreed. We'll send her both, and make her figure out which one is from Hogwarts."

The boys' restroom was at the fifth floor, and would soon lack a toilet seat.

Fred and George had had quite a time trying to smuggle the seat from the Hogwarts Express from the toilet to the compartment. However, it got worse when they had to make their way from the compartment, past Hagrid and their fellow students and to the carriages without anyone (except Lee Jordan) noticing it.

They did not know what they had done until Fred realised he had to sit on the toilet seat during the Sorting, and then carry it upstairs during the feast. Great.

He left his slightly uncomfortable position at the toilet seat after seeing Ron, Harry and a girl who reminded him of Percy get Sorted into Gryffindor. Hiding most of the toilet seat under his robes, he walked quickly towards the doors while George made a honourable effort to attract as much attention to himself as possible.

They must have thought it worked, judging by the grin George sent Fred on his way out of the Great Hall.

Clearly none of them noticed Percy the Prefect leaving only minutes later.

After dragging an off-white, old, porcelain-like toilet seat all the way to the Gryffindor Tower entrance, Fred realised why he was not in Ravenclaw. He did not have the password – in fact, only Percy (and a few other prefects) had the password.

**Thank you for reading, and please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

Fred waited, and then he waited some more. He was willing to go far – much further than most people – to complete a good joke. However, he had planned out at least two pranks that would both cheer the first-years up _and_ irritate Snape to the point of exploding. Would he postpone them until next year? Maybe he could sneak away, hide the toilet seat, now nicknamed "the Frame", and sneak back to the feast, hopefully unnoticed?

He had not made his decision yet when he heard footsteps from the bottom of the staircase. Fred knew that he would be in trouble if it proved to be a teacher, and that he would be in even more trouble if Percy, and thus also his mother found out.

Considering his options, he ran all the way down the corridor, which was on the seventh floor. That was an excellent idea, as Percy's red hair emerged from the stairs quickly enough. Barely having time to catch his breath, Fred ran into another branch of the long corridor, and after a series of turns and doors, he found himself in the disused seventh floor bathroom.

He realised that if Percy had run all the way up to the Gryffindor Tower entrance just to possibly catch his younger brother doing something that might have been illegal if anyone had had the imagination to forbid it, then he was not going to give up easily. He ran swiftly past the fountain in the middle of the bathroom, and into one of the cubicles on the left side of the large, empty room.

Fred had just let out a deep breath and closed the ancient cubicle door when his heart rate increased by at least 50 %. A pale, smirking ghost who looked like an especially longhaired version of Harry Potter emerged from the toilet, singing loudly. Fred could barely keep himself from covering his ears, but he knew that she would give him away to Percy in a second if Fred did that. He could hear Percy's footsteps again.

Fred was clutching a stolen toilet seat in a disused toilet, and his prefect brother was approaching. What on Earth should he do?

**Thank you for reading! The next part will be up soon if this one is fairly successful, please review! I'd love some feedback!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Just a short update, as some sort of technical issue seem to have kept part II from appearing in the "Just in" section.**

**Also, there is a hidden Sherlock Holmes reference in this chapter, I'll congratulate anyone who finds it in the next update. Please review!**

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"Myrtle, please stop!" whispered he as quietly as he could. The ghost girl's smile broadened as she flew right trough him just for fun.

"Stop, shall I?" She came to a halt with her feet just inches from the ground. "Don't you like my voice?" Myrtle performed a pirouette. In the middle of it, her feet would have been smashed against the cistern had she not been a ghost.

"Even Olive Hornby was jealous, downright jealous, of my voice… So why don't you want me to sing? This is getting interesting," said Myrtle with a yawn.

Fred thought quickly. It was true that Myrtle had a rather pretty voice, even as a ghost, but he did not want to drag Percy's attention to the bathroom. He couldn't hear Percy's footsteps anymore, so he must have stopped in his tracks somewhere between the entrance to Gryffindor Tower and the disused bathroom.

"Myrtle, your voice is stunning, and…" Fred paused. He had to come up with an excuse.

"But Myrtle," acknowledged Fred quietly, "it makes me…"

He wanted to make Myrtle stop singing, and possibly even trust him.

"It makes me feel insecure about my own voice, and my brother is always teasing me because of it," he added, watching Myrtle's facial expression change to something remarkably close to sympathy.


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not share Myrtle's opinion on Gryffindor prefects, I just thought she needed a reason to do what she did.**

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Myrtle had stopped singing, and was now sitting in the air over the toilet with a vacant expression in her eyes. Fred could hear Percy's footsteps get louder and clearer. Had he finally realised where Fred was hiding?

Myrtle flew straight through the door, and Fred looked out of it just in time to see her exit the bathroom at a high speed. He walked across the room with his heart in his throat. He heard Percy's voice outside. He was clearly talking to someone, and Fred felt the unavoidable doomsday approach.

"Oh, Myrtle, hi. I am looking for my brother; I caught a glimpse of him carrying something that looked very much like a toilet seat. You haven't seen him, have you?"

There was a short silence, before Percy continued speaking.

"So you have seen him? I will be very much obliged to you if you could tell me where he went."

Fred held his breath. Myrtle would surely give him away to Percy, and then he'd be spending next summer degnoming the garden.

Myrtle's slightly high-pitched voice echoed back and forth as she spoke.

"Oh, yes, the other red-head? You will not believe how anxious he was to get away. He ran all the way to the library, I think. Yes, he used the passage opposite Sir Cadogan's portrait."

With those words she dived into the bathroom fountain, from which she advised him to hide the Frame underneath one of the water basins. She smirked once more.

"You see, Olive Hornby was also a bully from Gryffindor, and she eventually became a prefect. I made sure that her position didn't last, though. I don't like bullies, especially not prefect bullies from Gryffindor. Go back to the feast, but make sure to pour some pumpkin juice into the second toilet from the left next time you're here."

She disappeared into another cistern before Fred had time to thank her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: I am so excited about you reading this chapter! It is really short, but I could not resist writing it. Please tell me in the comments whether you think Fred and George are a little OOC (out of character). I just had to add the TFIOS reference – I'll congratulate anyone who gets it in the next chapter.**

Fred reached the Great Hall just as the main courses began to vanish. He caught George's eyes, giving him a quick thumbs-up. George and Lee Jordan were obviously prepared for the prank they and Fred had planned so carefully. Too bad Percy wouldn't get to see it.

"So, Lee, what do you think?" asked George. "Do we send the Hogwarts Express seat or do we-"

"The Frame, remember?" declared Fred.

After a moment of reconsideration on George's part and sheer confusion written all over Lee's face, Fred realised that he would have to explain the nickname further.

"It is the Frame, George, not ´The seat from the Hogwarts Express`. Show some respect – imagine the poor toilet without the Frame. The off-white newly cleaned toilet tank, the polished trip lever, the antiquated but not dilapidated toilet bowl, almost hiding the slightly undersized trapway completely." Fred made sure to show off his utter eloquence in the field of toilet anatomy.

"Yes, Fred." acknowledged George gravely, in a fashion that reminded Lee about Percy.

"That's the thing about toilets. The respect demands to be given."


End file.
